Pregnancy #2 - Just Wait And See

It's Valentine's Day 2019, and according to my handy dandy fertility app, I am about 8 weeks pregnant - but the doctors were still left scratching their heads when they looked at the hormone levels and the measurements at our last appointment. They said "this is definitely not textbook", and I have a feeling that will be our description of you! I can already tell God broke the mold with you!

We have already had three appointments, not to mention the three blood draws. It's been crazy over here in the midst of this waiting game... but just like I did with Canaan in those scary uncertain weeks when we were high risk for Trisomy 18 -- I am going to believe in you, too. With an ache in my heart, and a lump in my throat I am choosing to believe! I will ALWAYS believe in you, my sweet child. Even when the world is spinning too fast in directions that throw us off balance, I will never stop believing in you! 

Here is a recap of the chaos thus far - 

We found out we were pregnant on 1/16, and since I was high-risk last time, I went to get blood work to test my levels to give us a baseline moving forward in the pregnancy. 

Our first appointment to hear the heartbeat was scheduled for 1/29, but on 1/28 we rushed to the doctor after I started bleeding. They did the ultrasound and confirmed there was a yolk sack, but no fetal pole or heartbeat was detected. We were devastated. They took my blood to test the hormone levels, and after a few days went by, they confirmed that the HCg levels were not doubling as they should. The bleeding and lack of significant hormone increase led us all to believe that a miscarriage was imminent, but we were told to "just wait and see" for another ultrasound to confirm. 

So on 2/4, we went back to the doctor. We left Canaan with a babysitter this time because we knew it would be an emotional appointment. I had mentally prepared myself for the somber look on the nurses face, but instead she look perplexed. She zoomed in further, and on the screen I saw a little blob. It wasn't much, but it was more than what was there before! I was really torn, because I had come to terms with a miscarriage knowing a baby had not even developed, but THIS. this was different. The heartbeat (116 BPM) wasn't audible, but we could see it at the bottom of the screen. We were stunned. Now what? You guessed it... "just wait and see".

Today (2/14) we go back to the doctor, and our hope is that you are a little bigger and your heartbeat is a little stronger. Our emotions are kinda raw, which leads us to some hesitation about getting excited, but I promise not to give up hope! You're going to do great things in this world... you just wait and see! 

Now it is 4/10, and reading back at this post that was saved as a draft brings back so many emotions. I remember feeling so worried but also so determined to be brave... I guess I am getting better at this whole mom thing after all! We found out last weekend that you are a little boy, and we are THRILLED! Mark my words sweet child of mine, before you even had a heart beating inside me we were rooting for YOU, praying for YOU, longing for YOU! We can't wait to meet you and will cherish you even more after the little scare you gave us!